Have you ever had this feeling? That you are alone in this world? A feeling that no one cares . . .
Fear of being alone makes people do things they would not ordinarily do. Once the fear subsides, they wonder how they could have done such a thing!
What is fear? Why does it have such a powerful hold on us? It clouds the mind, forces action and erodes the moral compass. Fear has many definitions, but for our purposes, this one seems to be the most logical.
"Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat" (Paul Ekman Group). And . . . most humans do not like pain or things that threaten their existence or goals.
What Drives Fear?
Fear is driven by uncertainty . . . the unknown and thoughts that generate the worst of human conditions. There is a fear of being unloved. Thus, the person may try to hold on to a relationship by threats, physical abuse or even death. Another person may fear poverty. So, he robs, steals or engages in unscrupulous business practices. Greed is often a product of poverty fear. Then . . . there is the fear of being alone.
There are many reasons why a person fears being alone. It could stem from loss of a parent during childhood, abandonment or simply not having had the experience of being alone. I knew a person who grew up in a large family, entered college and had roommates, married and had children. Even if circumstances occurred where she may have been separated from her husband, she never lived alone. The children were always with her. However, her children grew up, left the nest and only two (2) people were in the household: she and her husband. Many years later, the husband passed away . . . and she was in a big house. . .alone. Nights sometimes terrified her! Every sound became her enemy. How did she overcome?
Healing Fear of Being Alone
Facing fear is the key to overcoming it. How does one do that? There are those who say, "Ask yourself why you are afraid." Find something that convinces you that you are never alone. Typical solutions are: medication, psychotherapy, deep breathing, yoga, muscle relaxation and visualization. Each person must be guided by his own wisdom and understanding. However, this writer believes true healing is not physical, but metaphysical. Experience has proven that conquering fear does not occur in a moment, but a combination of moments . . .sometimes day...sometimes years. A good place to start is connecting with a source outside the human realm of thought.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness (Isaiah 41:10)."
Don't shrug this off . . .these are words of comfort and spoken or thought with deep sincerity can ease the fear. Insert the word "you" for thee/thou and try it. Gain an understanding of each phrase. It may take several readings and contemplation.
Fear causes an inner disturbance only thought can correct. You can't massage it or wrap a bandage around it. It is deep inside. You need something "deep" to reach it. There is nothing deeper than spirituality. Let me warn you! You can't half-step. You have to believe in what you are doing. Your results will follow your beliefs. There are many biblical verses on peace, joy, comfort and love. Do you know that "love" is the opposite of "fear?" Feeling loved by something or someone, is very comforting.
Disturbance of human nature is only corrected by divine nature. This verse allows you to feel the presence of a Power greater than yourself . . .greater than your fear. God becomes your companion. Therefore, you do not feel alone. Well . . . that is the message. Take it or leave it!
Have You Asked the Question?
"How precious is the love of the person I hold dear?" We ask you: "Are you taking her/him for granted?" If you are . . . one day that person may not be there for you. Duane Parham obviously thought about what it means to have a "precious love" for him to "cover" the Marvin Gaye/Tammy Terrell version of "Your Precious Love" and . . . make into a video. Presently, it has over 10,000 views on Youtube.
What It Means to Be Precious
As I reflected on the word "precious" in terms of a person, words like: "priceless, treasure, dear, invaluable" and "beloved" came to mind. Taking a step further, it means someone you can count on during the highs as well as the lows . . . someone who always has your back. It would be wise to not abuse that relationship in any way. Watch and listen for a few seconds. . .
Duane Parham Unmasked
Let's talk about Duane Parham. Who is he? Duane is the father of three (3) adult female children. Each has carved out a successful path for herself. After two (2) divorces, his saxophone has become a constant companion. Parham would be lost without it. This is not to say he does not have a special "female companion somewhere."
Most of Duane's musical career has been in service to others. Yea . . . he has CDs and albums, but countless families have and continue to look to his musical performances at their weddings, funerals, birthday celebrations and parties. Further, he and his band have traveled across America and played in clubs and festivals for many years. This is an enjoyment he continues to enjoy.
The Educator and Provider
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Dr. Smith with Motown Flutist Dayna Hardwick